I don't raise the dead! Have you seen Pet Semetary?

I received one of the weirdest calls at work today. It's one that had me confused and laughing my butt off at the same time. At work, when a pet is put to sleep, we make a paw print impression for the owner. It's of there own pet, right after euthanasia. It doesn't matter if they have private cremation or not, it's just something we do for the owner. No charge.

Me: ACME Animal Hospital, How can I help you?

Caller: Yes, I picked up my pet's paw print this weekend and it broke. Can I get another?

Me: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, the bodies have all gone off for cremation.

Caller: Well I have her ashes already. I picked them up on Saturday with her Paw print.

Me: < Looking around for the hidden camera> I'm so sorry, we really do need your pets body in order to make a new paw print for you......... 

Caller: I'm sorry too! CLICK!!!

I have no idea what I was missing! I felt really bad for the owner and even worse that there was no way to make that call a happy ending. It's not like we could rehydrate the ashes. I thought about saying "Listen, I don't raise the dead. Have you ever seen pet sematary? It didn't end well for them!" but I know that would have been really rude. 

The Bad Moms Club.

I found the perfect club for me!

The Bad Moms Club

Perfect mommy soldiers.

I sit here contemplating how on earth I could possibly have thought I could be a mother. How do other women do this? I am ready to literally rip my hair out and scream. My three year old son will not give me a moments peace and my six year old has the attitude of a sixteen year old. So I think about the mothers I do know and wonder how could I have this so wrong? What is wrong with me? Why am I ready to just collapse and give up?

To listen to all of the other moms, life is so sweet and slow. They laugh everything off like it is just another tickle in there perfect lives. "Ha ha, she spilled red paint everywhere including the dog and then proceeded to run away and slam the door in my face, isn't that just adorable? I am so blessed!" They are never tired and never lose their temper. Perfect mommy robots. And I envy them. Oh how I wish I could just get through one day and feel that perfect and that blessed. Instead, I go to bed and lie awake and wonder how I can possibly do this. I tell myself tomorrow, I won't lose my patience. Tomorrow, I will be a great mom. Needless to say, I always let myself down. 

Do these women have some drug I don't know about that makes them mellow and yet full of energy? I want that drug! Give it to me!!! I want to be part of the drugged up mommy revolution!

Giddy with Joy.

Holiday weekend! And even better my wonderful SIL will be taking my kids to her nieces Birthday party over night. That means me, hubby and the house to ourselves. Perhaps we will frolic around and go crazy by watching grown up movies, eating sweets and just basking in the silence. Maybe, I'll read a book and suck on M&M's without constant distraction? I might even go to the bathroom by myself! I can't tell you how giddy I am.

On the biz end of things, I'm testing new waxes for my container candles. The manufacture of my wax seems to have changed something. No one except a fellow candle maker will understand the frustration of testing hundreds of wicks/wax combos in search of the perfect candle only to have the manufacturer change it up without telling you. So the search begins yet again.

I'm also starting to think fall. It's never too early to start planning for new holiday and fall scents to add to the line up. Gods, I love fall.

Vegan Banana Mango smoothies! Simply divine.

It's starting to feel like summer already. Very Hot. SO I broke out the blender and started making my Vegan fruit smoothies. Not only are the healthy for you, they are low calorie, low fat and the kids love them. Even better, they are incredibly easy.

Rice Milk- I usually pour in about 1/3 full into into the blender. You can use almond milk also but I prefer rice milk.

1 Large banana (peeled obviously)

A handful of frozen mango. You can buy bags of frozen fruit at your grocer. The tropical blends are my favorite.

Ice

1 packet of Truvia or splenda if you want to sweeten it. I like the truvia because not only is it  0 calorie but  it is also aspartame free. You can also use agave nectar.

Blend till smooth. Enjoy!!! No yogurt, sugary syrups or cream. Delicious. Don't be afraid to experiment either. My husband loves to use his chocolate protein powder with banana and mango. It's yummy. Add peanut butter instead of fruit along with some wheat germ for a protein rich treat.

And some more useless but funny laws..

In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building, is death.

In Iowa, a one armed piano players must play for free and it's illegal to dance between the hours of 2 am and 6 am.

In Pennsylvania, there is no singing in the bathtub. (someone must have heard me:-)

In Missouri, you can not drive down a road with a caged bear inside.

In Florida, it is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine. (I wonder if not shaving ones legs count?)

In Colorado, it is illegal to fire a catapult at a building.

In Louisiana it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at a teller with a water pistol.

In Mississippi, a man may not seduce a woman by lying to her or promising to marry her. (wow can you imagine how crowded the jails would be if they enforced this one?)

In Massachusetts, a mourner at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

In Utah, it is illegal NOT to drink milk. (does rice milk count, cause I won't drink cows milk)

In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk. (ummm.....k?)

In New Jersey, it is illegal to wear a bullet proof vest while committing  a murder. (be polite and don't make it harder for someone to shoot you!)

Absolutely useless!

1. The elephant is the only animal with 4 knees.
2. Every human has spent half an hour as a single cell.
3. If you plug your nose, you can't hum. I tried, did you?
4. Kissing is healthier than shaking hands.
5. India never invaded any country in it's history.
6. In the average lifetime a human will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.
7. When you die, your hair continues to grow for weeks.
8. Coca-cola was originally green.
9. In texas it is illegal to carry a concealed ice cream cone. 
10. In california, animals are banned from publicly mating within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school or place of worship.

So there you go...... useless.

Inspired by you...

I wanted to share a website of a friend of mine. I ordered a necklace and bracelet with tiger eye stone. I'd love to get an astro necklace but I have no idea what time I was born. I'm hoping to find that out eventually (when I'm not so darn lazy)

"Inspired by the universe and the day you were born. You become the designer; choose handcrafted art prints and design jewelry with the intension of inspiring inner wisdom and personal truth; using gemstones and crystals that have the power to heal, protect and transform energy"


Check it out here: Wisdom Art