So it's been a couple of weeks since my last post and I have somehow pulled myself off the floor and crawled back into my skin. I won't lie, it hurt. But now it's left me with a new perspective on my life, and where I'm going. I think it should have been a wake up call that for most of my marriage, I've been on anti-depressants with NO or little success. Or that every page in my journal speaks volumes of my loneliness for years. You would have thought that the fact he slept in the basement for almost 6 years would also have been a wake up call. Not to mention his addictions that were never quite under control. But I think we don't see these things. We don't want too or we convince ourselves that they will get better. Well, they didn't. At first I regretted speaking up months ago about all this, because I thought it caused his affair. I thought if I had just kept my mouth shut and kept trying by myself, we would've been OK. That of course would be a lie. One I could no longer live.
His girlfriend left him by the way. Perhaps I should have felt some happiness for that but I didn't. What was the point? I feel no need for revenge or vindictiveness. Honestly. We are still a long way from being friends but I am trying to focus on myself and my future. A future with hope for love and happiness again. Maybe my old friend loneliness will finally take a back seat to fulfillment and self-sufficiency. Who knows. So back to work, and back to the world of being single. Or separated and soon to be single anyway.
