I don't raise the dead! Have you seen Pet Semetary?

I received one of the weirdest calls at work today. It's one that had me confused and laughing my butt off at the same time. At work, when a pet is put to sleep, we make a paw print impression for the owner. It's of there own pet, right after euthanasia. It doesn't matter if they have private cremation or not, it's just something we do for the owner. No charge.

Me: ACME Animal Hospital, How can I help you?

Caller: Yes, I picked up my pet's paw print this weekend and it broke. Can I get another?

Me: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, the bodies have all gone off for cremation.

Caller: Well I have her ashes already. I picked them up on Saturday with her Paw print.

Me: < Looking around for the hidden camera> I'm so sorry, we really do need your pets body in order to make a new paw print for you......... 

Caller: I'm sorry too! CLICK!!!

I have no idea what I was missing! I felt really bad for the owner and even worse that there was no way to make that call a happy ending. It's not like we could rehydrate the ashes. I thought about saying "Listen, I don't raise the dead. Have you ever seen pet sematary? It didn't end well for them!" but I know that would have been really rude. 

The Bad Moms Club.

I found the perfect club for me!

The Bad Moms Club

Perfect mommy soldiers.

I sit here contemplating how on earth I could possibly have thought I could be a mother. How do other women do this? I am ready to literally rip my hair out and scream. My three year old son will not give me a moments peace and my six year old has the attitude of a sixteen year old. So I think about the mothers I do know and wonder how could I have this so wrong? What is wrong with me? Why am I ready to just collapse and give up?

To listen to all of the other moms, life is so sweet and slow. They laugh everything off like it is just another tickle in there perfect lives. "Ha ha, she spilled red paint everywhere including the dog and then proceeded to run away and slam the door in my face, isn't that just adorable? I am so blessed!" They are never tired and never lose their temper. Perfect mommy robots. And I envy them. Oh how I wish I could just get through one day and feel that perfect and that blessed. Instead, I go to bed and lie awake and wonder how I can possibly do this. I tell myself tomorrow, I won't lose my patience. Tomorrow, I will be a great mom. Needless to say, I always let myself down. 

Do these women have some drug I don't know about that makes them mellow and yet full of energy? I want that drug! Give it to me!!! I want to be part of the drugged up mommy revolution!